


Bad Hygiene

by ReesieReads



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders-centric, Fluff and Crack, Random & Short, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:27:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23308330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReesieReads/pseuds/ReesieReads
Summary: Remus has unfortunately never had very good hygiene, and sometimes he suffers from it in little ways. For instance, his eyes being itchy and really, really, dry.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 13
Kudos: 133





	1. Dry Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Small warning: Eyes are mentioned like sixty times, and are described a little. 
> 
> This is based on real experiences sense I myself have struggled with maintaining adequate hygiene. The Corona virus has helped however, and I am getting much better at taking care of myself. I figured Remus could possibly suffer from simaler things, so here we go. 
> 
> I also am aware that my eyes being irritated a lot was caused by me constantly rubbing them, and the fact that I'm usually severely dehydrated sense I don't drink a lot of water. The 'burning' I talk about isn't really burning, its more like severely dry to the point that you can feel the lack of moisture if that makes sense.
> 
> I would also be willing to countinue this if anyone would like me too.

His eye was bugging him again.

Remus groaned, rubbing the irritated eye fiercely with his thumb. This happened alot, and while it usually went away after awhile, that didn't make it any less annoying. Sure, he could probably tell the others about it now that he and Dee were accepted, but it woudn't matter. Logan and Patton would simply tell him to be more hygenic, Virgil and Roman would most certainly not care, and Dee coudn't do anything even if he had wanted too.

He didn't have pink eye, much to his disappointment. In fact, Remus had never gotten pink eye, which was as much a shock to him as to anyone else. His hygiene was non-existent and the fact that his teeth hadn't rotted out and he was even still alive was a surprise. He had been getting better slowly now that he was accepted, but slow had an emphasis for a reason.

He had started off well, great even! He had taken showers every night, brushed his teeth at least once a day, put on deodorant before eating all of it. Hell, he had even washed his hands each time he went to the bathroom. Remus had been doing well, and he could tell the others were proud of him, even he was proud to an extent. But then things went wrong.

Wrong was a bit of a strong word actually, a more accurate one would be that he had simply gotten lazy. He had fallen into old habits, and the only hygenic practice he had anymore was a shower roughly every three days. The hand washing had gone first, he had simply forgotten once or twice and then gave up on trying. Brushing his teeth went next, going from once a day to every other to basically never. He had eaten all of the deodorant, so he didn't even have any to put on if he had wanted to. The only reason he even showered occasionally was because even he could be botherd by his own stench.

The only perk of being so unhygenic was that his immune system was insanely strong. The sides may not be human, but they could still suffer from sickness and something extremely close to death. Remus had only been sick once, and that had been food poisoning from eating his own cooking. To be fair, he had put some questionable items in, but nevertheless it had still happend. Everyone had found it so funny that only Remus could get Remus sick, and he supposed it was kinds funny, but it wasn't exactly true.

Remus did actually get sick, his was just much tamer to everyone around him. He would get a runny nose or headache but that was about it. He liked to say he acted as a sort of rat, carrying diseases and illness despite not suffering from it himself. Everyone had rolled their eyes at that, and Logan had pointed out that rats and other animals that carried diseases usually did suffer at least some side affects from their exposure to the illness or disease. Which, despite not knowing it, only proved Remus' point furthur.

Whenever another side was sick, they always made sure to complain that Remus wasn't. It made sense, he was the only one who actually wanted to be sick, and yet he basically never did. For all his talk about vomit and boogers and sickly things in general, Remus didn't really experience those sorts of things himself. Its not as if he was immune, he had suffered from them before, but it had been so long ago that he could hardly remember.

Rubbing his irritated no doubt bloodshot eye again, Remus quickly got dressed. He simply put on what he had been wearing for the past month, sense he really had only one outfit. Sure, he could wash it, but what was the point? It would just get dirty the next day, so why not wear it unless there was a real reason why he coudn't? The fact that he wore dirty clothes certainly didn't help his hygiene, but at this point Remus didn't care anymore. Unless he suffered serious repercussions for his behavior, he likely would never break his disgusting and neglectful habits.

Blinking slowly, Remus found his other eye to be dry and itchy as well, even if it was slightly less then the other. The two fleshy spears often worked together, so he wasn't all that surprised. He just hoped it would go away soon, because it was annoying and even he knew keeping his eyes open shouldn't make them dry and burning slightly. Were he any other side, Remus may have been concerned. However, Remus was Remus, and Remus didn't give two forks about his health. As long as he could still walk and talk, there was no problem in his eyes.

Rubbing both his eyes again, Remus grabbed his notebook and rose up into the kitchen. Patton was making breakfast, Dee and Virgil were drinking coffee at the dining table, Logan was reading a news article on his phone, and Roman was in the middle of some dramatic, boring story of his. Ignoring his brother, Remus took a seat next to Logan and read over the logical side's shoulder. The article was about the recent pandemic or the Corona virus, something Remus was highly interested in. It may not be as gross as tuberculosis, but a pandemic was still a pandemic.

The article wasn't very graphic, but still interesting enough to keep his attention. The logical side had seemed to notice him already, and was scrolling more slowly so that Remus could catch up. How Logan knew exactly when he was done, Remus didn't know. What he did know was that the cornor of his eye was burning a little and it was really bothersome. Rubbing the eye, he went back to reading. That is, until both his eyes started feeling dry and itchy. Taking a minute to rub them profusely, Remus looked back up to meet the concerned eyes of Logan.

"Remus?" Logan asked "are you quite alright?"

The intrusive side grinned, "yep!"

"Really? You seemed to be rubbing your eyes a lot" Logan pointed out "are you sick?"

Remus rolled his eyes, "Lo Lo I don't get sick! Remember?"


	2. Dehydrated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this turned into kind of a crack? I kinda love it though, and if anyone has any ideas for me to countinue with I'm all for that. I also have a headcannon that Deceit draws out all of his s's and that when he's tired he can't control his lying. Hope you enjoy this absoulute mess though!

“No one is immune from sickness Remus…”

Patton looked up from the stove, a large pancake sizzling in the pan below him. The moral side called them ‘Pattoncakes’ and they were absolutely delicious. Remus wasn’t much of a sweet tooth, but Patton’s pancakes were still one of his favorite things to eat. Unfortunately, if Logan deemed him sick, both the logical and moral sides would insist he rest and eat something healthier than ‘Pattoncakes.’

“Remus is sick?” Patton asked, concern lacing his tone. Remus still wasn’t used to anyone but Deceit and Virgil caring about him, and hearing Patton be concerned about him made his rotten heart swell.

“Don’t worry Pattycakes!” Remus said brightly, resisting the urge to rub his eyes again “my eyes are just a bit dry, that's all. Completely normal!”

“I’d have to disagree Remus,” Logan said with knitted eyebrows “having dry eyes is not as you put it ‘completely normal.’ Have you tried eyedrops in order to remedy the issue?”

Virgil snorted, “he won’t use ‘em Teach. Last time Dee tried to get him to use them he ended up getting a karate chop to the stomach.”

Remus giggled at the memory, though he did feel a little bad “sorry Dee Dee.”

The deceitful side shrugged, still looking half asleep “it’sss ‘not’ fine Remusss.”

Roman had long stopped talking, surprisingly not upset that his story had been interrupted by his twin. The two had made up awhile back, and the fanciful side had become used to his brother interrupting him over time. He would just have to tell the story again later, everyone would be more awake by then anyways. Walking around the counter and planting a kiss on the heart’s cheek, he smiled at his brother.

“Scared of a couple eyedrops brother dear?” Roman teased.

Remus scoffed, “at least I’m not scared of the dark!”

“You heathen!”

“Disney wannabe!”

“Slut!”

“Goody-two shoes!”

“Girls, girls,” Virgil interrupted tiredly, “you're both pretty. Now can we please take care of Remus’ eyes already? They're starting to freak me out.”

Logan blinked before taking Remus' chin and turning the darker side’s face to his. The intrusive twin’s grin grew as he thought about what Logan might be about to do, but the logical side simply pulled him closer so he could peer at the dried out optics. The white’s of Remus’ eyes were both red and bloodshot, small red veins creeping out from the corners. The eye itself was fine, the pupil was a normal size and the brown coloring was its normal shade.

“Strange,” Logan said softly, “maybe they were just irritated? You really should stop rubbing them so much Remus.”

“Why,” the creative side said with a only slightly unhinged giggle “so I can rub off on you?”

Patton made a face, and Roman rolled his eyes, but neither Virgil nor Deceit were affected. They had lived with Remus long enough to get used to his random thoughts. Logan, unfortunately or fortunately depending on who you asked, had turned a bright red. He let go of Remus’ face immediately, looking away in a futile attempt to hide the blush burning across his cheeks.

“While that's certainly ‘not’ adorable,” Deceit said “Remusss is likely jussst dehydrated. Forcing him to drink water ‘never’ worked when we had thisss problem before.”

Logan cleared his throat, “Of… of course, dry eyes can be a symptom of dehydration. Remus, can you recall the last time you drank water?”

The creative side shrugged, “dunno.”

Logan blanched, “Remus that's extremely unhealthy! You need to drink eight-”

“Blah, blah, blah,” Roman cut in, using his hand to mimic Logan’s excessive talking “enough with the water agenda calculator watch, he gets the idea. Rem, just go drink some water, jesus christ.”

Patton lightly smacked his boyfriend on the arm, “watch the language!”

“Yeah Roman,” Remus singed, a wild grin on his face “watch the fuckin’ language!”

“Remusss please,” Deceit said with a smirk “your absssolutely ‘not’ ssshitting on the englisssh language.”

Virgil rolled his eyes playfully, “yeah Pat, just let Roman bitch because Logan is the only one in this place with any fucking common sense.”

Deceit gasped dramatically, “pleassse Virgil, ‘do’ disssgrace the ressst of usss like that!”

Rolling his eyes, the anxious side pulled his snake-faced boyfriend into a kiss “shuddup Dee.”

Patton pouted as he slid a glass of ice water over to Remus, “I know you all are having fun, but-”

“Not in my christian Minecraft server!” Logan interrupted, holding a vocab card “did I use that correctly Virgil?”

“Yes Logan,” the anxious side said in-between giggles “that's exactly how you use that.”

Roman groaned loudly, “what have you done? He’s been corrupted!”

The sound of glass shattering filled the room as Remus threw the empty glass at the wall, wearing a shit-eating grin “ANOTHER!”


End file.
